Kink 101

Hopefully last week you stocked up on toys, because now it's time to learn how to use them safely! 

Establish a safe word

We’ve covered this before, but safe words are additionally important when you first experiment with any kind of pain play. The traffic light system is great in this scenario, because with impact play, it's very possible to have too much of a good thing. Calling “Yellow” can pull back the intensity without ending the scene. 


So you bought a really cool looking flogger. That's great! Go beat the hell out of your mattress! 

Seriously. Try it on a non-human first. You need to figure out how it moves before you try it on your partner. Different toys will have different weights which will have different impacts and flight patterns. Ideally, you should test it on yourself (like how police officers get pepper sprayed during their training). The thigh is a good, safe spot that will enable you to have an idea of the level of sensation your partner will be experiencing. Some very innocent looking toys can pack a big punch. 

Know where not to go

No type of impact play is risk-free, but there are some areas that are off limits, no matter your implement or experience level. Some are common sense (never paddle your partner’s throat, for example), but others can be a little trickier. A good rule of thumb is to stick to areas that have a high density of fat and muscle. So, while slapping a willing partners cheek (with an open palm) can be fun, hitting their ear or sinuses can cause permanent damage. The backs of the knees and ankles, as well as the inside of your elbows are very delicate. So is your tailbone. While your back and shoulders are typically a safe place for impact play, the area of your back just below your rib cage is where your kidneys live, and any hard or sustained impact in that area could be very serious. The same goes for your abdomen. A punch to the gut killed Houdini, and I'm sorry to say, but your partner is no Houdini. 

Start Slow

If there was ever a time to heed this advice, make it when you start experimenting with impact play. Regardless of how enthusiastically your partner consents, you are still hitting them. Everyone is different, and there are no instructional videos that can tell you how much your partner can take. Until you know both your strength and their pain tolerance, it's imperative that you don't get ahead of yourself. The line between fun and assault varies by person, and you need to approach it slowly. The risk of damage is real, and there's no orgasm that is worth the guilt you will feel if you cause permanent damage. 

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Wow! All of this sounds terrible! Why would I want do this?!” Well, think of this as the warning sign while you're waiting in line for the waterslide. Next week we'll cover tips and tricks to make impact play feel really, really good. 


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