4 Tips from Satisfied Couples
While the dead marital bed is a popular sitcom trope, it's by no means a guarantee. According to a study published last year in the Journal of Sex Research, more than half of people in long term relationships are satisfied with their sex lives, with more than a third reporting that the sex is just as good now as it was in the beginning of their relationship!
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“It was encouraging to learn that more than one-third of couples kept passion alive, even after a decade or two together. That won’t happen on auto pilot; these couples made a conscious effort to ward off routinization of sex,” said Dr. Janet Lever, a co-author on the study. But that doesn't mean if you let sex fall by the wayside, you're cursed with an unsatisfying sex life forever.
Here are 4 things satisfied couples do that you can implement in your own relationship.
1. They're good, giving, and game
Ten years ago, writer Dan Savage encouraged his readers to aspire to be "GGG," which stands for, "‘Good in bed,’ ‘giving equal time and equal pleasure’ and ‘game for anything – within reason." It doesn't matter if you can bake the best cake on earth, it won't be satisfying to someone who is in the mood for ice cream. Don't be too proud to do some research! More than half of those surveyed read self-help literature or articles about improving their sex life, but what set the most satisfied people in the study apart was that they didn't just read about sex tips and tricks, they actually tried them. Whether it was new positions, toys or roleplay, the most sexually satisfied couples were game to give it a shot.
2. They communicate
At this point it's cliche to state that communication is key to a satisfying sex life, but cliches are cliche for a reason. It's impossible for your partner to offer you something they don't know you want, and that doesn't just apply to trying new things in bed. Nearly half of the women surveyed reported feeling less desired than at the beginning of their relationship, which is a much lower number than the two thirds of men reported feeling as much, if not more desire for their partner than they did early on. A wanted partner is a willing partner, so don't just tell them you want to try butt stuff, tell them that you want them (and also to try butt stuff).
3. They set the mood
While everyone likes a quickie, sexually satisfied couples are more likely to treat sex like an event. Whether that means sending sexy texts throughout the day, lighting some candles, or putting on something lacy from the back of the drawer, a little bit of effort will go a long way. Not every dance has to be the prom, but don't let that stop you from spiking the punch and putting the Amageddon soundtrack on a loop.
4. Practice, practice, practice
Shockingly, people who have the most sex, who receive the most oral sex, and who have the most orgasms tend to be more satisfied with their sex lives! We can all rest easy now that science has solved this mystery. The simple fact is that the more sex you have, the less pressure you will feel about having it. If it's been a while, it can seem overwhelming to get back on that horse, but don't let a few bad rides discourage you. You have to have sex in order to have good sex. No one, regardless of their satisfaction level, is having earth shattering orgasms every single time. An enthusiastic C+ student will always score better on tests than a genius who has never been to class.
While relationships are complicated, the key to having a sexually satisfying relationship is not. Be willing to put in the time and effort required to please your partner, and expect the same in return.